Denise Hildreth

I know for some of you a Coke may not be a big thing. But to me a Coca-Cola is right next to my sweet husband, my mama and her friend chicken. Of course, Jesus is first and all so that goes without saying. But this is all coming back around to Him anyway.

There may be some out there who think I often “over-spritualize” things. And who knows, that may be as true and as real as the air I’m breathing and the washing machine that is beating my wall to smitherines in the other room as it is washing my clothes. (And I actually paid someone to make it stop doing that.) But seeing God loving me in my details is how I have chosen to live out life.

I guess I’ve come to the conclusion in these forty some odd years of living that I have two choices. I can see an appreciation for God in all the details of my life, even if He didn’t necessarily have anything to do with some of them, or decide to see life through a larger view finder, and potentially missing some of His sweet detailed love.

I think I got this behavior from my mother. I can’t tell you how many times through the years we’d be driving in the car or walking somewhere and she’d catch site of a sunset and say, “I know God put that up there just for me.” Because that is how she sees His love for her. Now, does God paint the sky just for my mama? Well, to be honest with you, I think that as He is picking out the hues for each evening He it probably runs through his mind along with the other cazillion thoughts running through there, “Oh, Darlyn is going to love this one tonight.” And probably, “George and Carol and Phyllis and Leo.” Who might have each said the same thing my mother says a thousand times in their life as well.

I can’t help but think it tickles the heart of God for us to see Him in the details of our life. And just like when my husband recognizes something I do for him it makes me want to do that many other things for him. Could it be that our continual recognition of His detailed love in our lives allows us to experience even more of it.

Which brings me back to my coke. On a weekly basis I would say there are four or five or even more times that I say, “Look how sweetly my Father loves me.” Because something sweet and simple and uniquely about me happens that I see as His love. And on Saturday night, when Philly and I had a date I got to see it once again.

We were going to dinner and a movie. And my what a dinner I ate. I was starving. I had been hungry all day. I mean from the time I woke up it was like I couldn’t get enough to eat. So, when we got to the restaurant I ordered a salad, fried fish, some potatoes and ate two rolls. And by the time I was through eating I was stuffed. Now, usually when I plan on going to the movies I save room for popcorn, (nasty parmesian and garlic popcorn salt) and a large coke! Yes, a large. Cokes were only meant to be drunk in larges. But that night I even told Philly. Babe, I’m so full I’m just going to have a small coke tonight. I think even he was shocked.

So he drops me off to get our tickets and I pay for our tickets, use my rewards card and the cute little ticket girl says, “Here is your reward. You get a free small coke.” I just looked at her and shook my head and smiled. When Philly came through the door I just handed him my ticket. He shook his head and said, “There God is loving you in your details babe.” I said, “I know. Just what I wanted.” I mean, when do I ever want a small coke! And it was FREE!

I know I have a choice of how I want to walk through life. And I know there are times that I could make myself more palatable to some by not seeing Jesus the way I do, or talking about him so much. But I lived with a shut-down heart for so long that tried to make those around me happy, that to crawl up in that shell again would be to honestly spit in the face of the God who set me free. And I can say I will never live that way again.

But I wouldn’t want to. I would rather blame God for a few sweet gifts, if that’s what you’d even want to call it, then to miss thanking Him for all of the extraordinary, detailed ways in which He loves. So, here is your challenge. Ask Him to begin to reveal to you how detailed He loves you. I dare you…You just might be amazed at how he does.

My husband caught an earlier flight tonight home. In time to pick up our boy for football practice. He loooooooooooves football practice. You know what he said, “Babe, look at how God has loved me in my details today.” How has He loved you in yours?

For Two weeks Amazon.com is offering a FREE EBook download of “Hurricanes in Paradise”!

If you haven’t read this book yet this is the perfect time- and it’s also a wonderful time to introduce your friends to it as well!

One of my favorite things about my new life is the unfolding of a Saturday morning. Me and my Sophie are up first. She has slept with one of the kids, grateful they’re there so she doesn’t have to sleep in her kennel. But she is listening for me. And as soon as she hears me stirring down she comes. We head out to McDonald’s in my pj’s and get me my morning coke. I enjoy the usual peanut butter toast and the Today show before anyone else knows a new morning has arrived.
The baby girl is always the first one up. We’ve had to teach her that the first time her eyes open she has to stay in bed and close them again. And that she can only get up when they open the second time. Otherwise she would beat me and Sophie up. She crawls on the sofa with me, settles underneath my arm and we talk about what we want our day to look like.
The boy is next. You can hear the pounding of his feet before you see his matted blond head. And he joins us. Careful not to sit too close to his sister and curls up under the other arm. The next three have to be woken up. And usually none of them are real grateful. But one by one we greet the day and enjoy whatever it holds.
I have to wonder if this is my Heavenly Father’s favorite time. Since the summer started and the kids are here more, I have taken to starting the day with him outside. We live at the end of a cu-de-sac. The only house for more than a street length. There I walk up and down the street in my slippers, my pj’s and we talk about what we want our day to look like. (The other day my neighbor caught me…I can only imagine what she thought.)
The wonders of the parent child relationship. What a richness it holds. What do we miss when we rush out into the day and don’t have a moment to breathe? Or stop.? Or reflect? Or to enjoy each other’s company? On the days when we’ve had to get the kids up in a frenzied way, race them out the door, something is lost…missed. I feel the same when I miss that time with my heavenly Father. I feel as if I’ve missed something.
I know mornings are crazy for most. I know there are days when just the delight of thirty extra minutes of rest is truly what our bodies and minds and hearts need most. But I also know that there is something so divine about the first part of our day with our Father. Sometimes it’s worth setting the clock just a little early to start our day with him. I’ve learned everyone in my family benefits. Some day’s their like, “Oh my…sister didn’t get her early morning walk in. Sure wish she had.”
My wish for you is that this remaining piece of summer would afford you Saturday morning snuggles with those little ones who rarely afford you that much time where their bodies in a dormant state. And those daily walks where the Father of your soul can reconnect with the heart He created.

I was struck the other day by a powerful passage of scripture that was highlighted in my devotional. Ephesians 3:19 “To know the love of Christ which passes knowledge: that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”

I grew up in a pretty works driven denomination. Now don’t get me wrong, I carry some beautiful things with me from my heritage as well. I learned the power of fasting. I treasure the gifts of the Holy Spirit. But there was an underlying teaching that led me to believe that in order to experience all that God had, his “fullness” if you will, that I had to be a doer. Pray hard, fast hard…those kinds of things.

But the revelation through my devotional led me to focus on the first part of this scripture. “To know the love of Christ which passes knowledge;” That was when I realized, it is knowing his love, the kind of love that in the natural makes absolutely no logical sense, that is what brings us into the fullness of God. And when I grasped that revelation I knew that is the school God has had me in for the last four years.

The way he loved me after my divorce, was intimate, detailed, specific to how he designed me. I’ve often said, “if I could get people to know anything about Jesus it would be how detailed he loves.” And apparently it is knowing that kind of love that brings us into the fullness of all that God has for us.

You know how I think you learn this? By being “pushed” if you will into a season where you can’t do anything. Where you can’t pull yourself out of bed, let alone pray. Where you don’t even have an appetite. Not because you’re fasting, but because your heart is breaking. And in that desperate place, if we are willing to look for it, we can encounter the breathtaking, detailed love of our father.

Philly and I were recounting the other day the story of the church we got married in. After my divorce every time I would drive by the quaint Owens Chapel on Franklin road I would tell my father, “Lord, if you ever privilege me to remarry, may I get married there?” I said this every trip I took past that little church. When we finally set a date, a date determined by children’s spring break schedule, I was only two months from my date. When I called sweet Ms. Bennett who schedules the weddings for the church I asked her if April 10th was available. She said, “Well, baby girl it is. But if you would have called for the week before or the week after you would be out of luck. In fact, I had 10 different brides call for April 17th.”

“You can’t be serious. I can’t believe it.” Was my response.

“It’s meant to be baby. It’s meant to be.”

That was just one tiny way my Father loved me. And these last four years I have come into a fullness of  Him like I have never known. And I had know idea, until clearly understanding this scripture that it was all connected with my revelation of His love.

Are you working yourself to death trying to grasp a fullness of your Father? Frustrating yourself thinking you’re not “doing” enough? You will never do enough. How about instead of “doing” you begin to ask Him to allow you to see all the ways he deeply and detailingly (so not a word, but all that works) loves you. He does you know. Down to your last detail. In ways that is past knowledge. So far past your ability to comprehend. That is how he loves you. May you encounter, that detailed love, so that you can walk into the fullness of God. Oh my…what there is awaiting you…

This Saturday I’ll be with my friend TJ Kirby on his radio show T.J. AND COMPANY from 3-5pm

at WRFN FM 107.1 or streaming live at www.radiofreenashville.org join us and call in with any questions. We’ll be talking about my latest book “Flying Solo” and my upcoming release “The First Gardner”

Also- this coming Monday I’ll be at the wonderful May 23rd

Southeast Christian Women’s Book Club Louisville, KY 6:30-8pm

Discussing “Hurricanes in Paradise” and introducing “Flying Solo”

920 Blankenbaker Parkway
Louisville, KY 40243

For More Information: contact Elizabeth Hoagland @ Elizabeth.Hoagland@insightbb.com or 502-245-4196

If you’re in the Louisville area- we’d love to see you!

And don’t forget to SAVE THE DATE for both our Franklin, TN and Camden, SC VBS for Women Events this summer! What a wonderful time we’er going to have! Hope to see you there!

To learn more about River Jordan and her other books go to http://www.riverjordan.us

What is it about a fairy tale that makes grown women get up at four o’clock in the morning on a Friday and drink hot tea and ooh and ahh like they are teenagers? It is simply how we were created. And Friday’s fairy tale wedding did not disappoint. It held all the beauty, regalness and elegance that we hoped for. It had horse drawn carriages, and men in uniform, and amazing hats, (Please someone help hats come back in style around here!) it had beautiful music and a grand cathedral and an exquisite bride and a charming groom. And the kiss…oh, we loved the kiss, both of them.

But do you know what it was that touched me more than anything? It was the realness, and truth with which they were charged. It was the one honest moment of the entire royal wedding of William and Kate that struck me most. It was in the middle. Between ten foot wedding gown train entrances and prepubescent boys singing like angels that the words struck me to my core. Maybe it is because I’ve walked through the painful heartbreak of divorce that I heard it. Or maybe it is because of my age that it struck me with such clarity and fell on ripe ears, but for whatever reason, all I could think was, “I hope that young couple is listening…truly listening.”

It was when The Bishop of London got up to speak while the young couple sat in chairs across from him. He said,

“Marriage is intended to help man and woman become what God intended them to be… You have chosen to be married in the site of a generous God who so loved us that he gave himself to us in the person of e Christ. And in this generous spirit husband and wife are supposed to give themselves to each other. Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into spiritual life into which we discover the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul…in marriage we are seeking to bring each other into fuller life. IT is however hard to bring ourselves from self-centeredness, but for the hope to be fulfilled, it is necessary for the solemn commitment to be made, that whatever the difficulties we are committed to generous love…(My favorite part) Marriage should transform as husband and wife make one another their work of art. It is possible to transform so long as we don’t harbor ambitions to reform our partners. There must be no coercion of the spirit is to flow. Each must give the other space and freedom…As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the west, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relationship alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great a burden. We are all incomplete. We all need a love that is secure instead of oppressive. We need mutual forgiveness in order to thrive. But as we move towrard our partner in love, following the example of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit is quickened within us and can fill our life with light.”

Oh my…what words for any of us in marriage or deep relationships of any kind to head.

Relationships are a gift- a gift to help us become all that God created us to be.

We have them because God is so generously kind.

They should transform us, but not be about us trying to reform one another.

And no relationship should be expected to supply our meaning or happiness. That is something that God alone can do.

Love is not oppressive- but secure.

Love needs mutual forgiveness to thrive.

And when we move toward other people with hearts of love, we are a true reflection of Jesus Christ.

I bet when you take off the fancy hats, diamond tiara’s, medals and ascots. When you clean the horse’s residue from the streets and all the makeup of the day has come off, you will simply be left with two hearts learning how to love each other. May they watch their wedding video over and over and over…(we sure have had ample opportunity. I think Bravo is still airing it.) And may they remember the words of that precious Bishop In fact, may we too…

Any thoughts that it stirred in you we’d love you to share…

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Our family loves the food network! Which I’m still amazed how a network about food that you can’t taste or smell can be so addictive. But they have us hooked. One of our favorite shows is Chopped. Four chefs start out competing with four mystery ingredients in the appetizer round. And I mean these ingredients are most of the time things I’ve never even heard of. For instance, last night they had rabbit kidneys, salt and vinegar potato chips, garbanzo beans and some other thing I can’t even pronounce all in their first basket. And they had to use those four ingredients to come up with an appetizer. All in twenty minutes!  Crazy!

Each round there are three judges who critique, often harshly, and at each course some one gets chopped. As we’ve watched this over the last couple of years and I’ve heard the often borderline mean comments of the judges I’ve said, “They need to have a chopped with the judges so they can experience what these contestants go through.” And they finally did! And do you know what the judges response was? “I had no idea it was this hard. I am going to view the contestants so much differently now.” And I turned to Philly and said, “Isn’t life the best teacher that way.”

It is so true. We do discover so much when we “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.” That is why I am so careful to offer advice to people walking roads that I have never walked. I can give them Godly principles. I can give them general answers of our common denominators, like pain, or loss. I can pray for them. I can listen to them. I can tell them what the Bible says. But to act as if I know, truly know what that journey will hold, or what all the forks in the road will be, or what will be required of them, or what they should do in every situation, I simply don’t know.

What I do know now is how divorce feels. It has given me a common denominator with all of those who have suffered deep loss whether the loss of a spouse, the loss of a child, the loss of a dream. I understand the deep pain of loss. But even inside of those there are so many different factors, components, emotions. I know what it is to be a “bonus-mom” to five children I didn’t give birth to and the unexplainable joys and sometimes breath-taking challenges that come along with that. Yet there are still aspects of “bonus-moming” I don’t know.

I think our challenge in this life is to realize that when God allows something to be written into our story, whatever it may be, He has allowed it so that we will operate with a new understanding, compassion, availability for others who will some day have that be a part of their story. It is also an important reminder that if you’re sitting on the other side of the table, having never spent twenty minutes having to make a “rabbit kidney” appetizer, you might want to be careful how much you think you really know.

Who has God put in your path lately that has had a story similar to yours?

So, I’m having this moment of gratitude last Thursday afternoon. Philly and I had our first real trip together. Our honeymoon was very short and this past year has held its challenges, so a set time away hasn’t been available to us until now. I’ve realized as I was thanking the Lord for this sweet time away that I had encountered some interesting people. Maybe it is because I’m reading my friend River Jordan’s soon to be released Praying for Strangers, or maybe it is because vacations allow you to disconnect from the rush of life, but whatever it is, I had been far more engaged with the people that I encountered last week.

There was Guy one of the marshall at Pebble Beach Golf Club. He gave me a ride in his golf cart to my car and I heard the stories of his many different jobs that had carried him from his home in England, to Germany, and to Italy and eventually landed him in Sonoma working for companies such as one of my favorites, Apple, and when he retired saw the ad in the paper for this job he had now held for the last eight almost nine years. His two children still live overseas, but his stepdaughter and granddaughter live just up the way from him. He was kind and endearing and looking forward to seeing me when he picked me back up later. I was looking forward to seeing him too.

Then there was Sylvia, one of the sweet workers at the hotel where we stayed. She was picking up towels and I was putting on makeup and we talked. We talked about how she had moved here from Mexico in 1986. How she had gotten her US citizenship in 2000 and how she now took care of her mother and also lived with her 21-year-old son who also worked at the hotel. She showed me the gold pin on her lapel that was for being the star employee. She had been chosen twice and is in the running for an all expense trip for two and is hoping she gets it. I let her know I was hoping she got it too.

Then there was beautiful Jeneaka. She waited on me when I was giving myself permission to shop. She told me that she was thinking about moving to Charleston after she finished all of her school. I told her she would love it.  That it was one of the most beautiful cities in the world as far as I was concerned.

And then the last night we were there…oh, that one really got me. There was George the cab driver from Georgia. And not the state. The Republic. Of which he made me guess where he was from. In fact, he made me guess for every question I asked him.
“How long have you lived here?”
“Guess.”
“How long have you been driving?”
“Guess.”
He would mumble underneath his breath as we drove and Philly and I would just laugh. I found him charming and I think he liked my accent.

Then there was David. Sweet David. Just nine days past his divorce settlement. Sitting alone at the table next to us. Difficult to have a full conversation because there were the texts that kept coming through that he needed to check, but we gave him Philly’s ice cream. He gave me a bite of his chocolate tort, and in the middle of it all the pain of where he was seeped through.

As I’m recounting them I’m thinking to myself, how many people do I come into contact with in my daily life that have pain that needs to seep out or stories that I would so enjoy hearing. I have no doubt that I come into contact with interesting and beautiful people every day. And for the most part I do genuinely try to engage people. I mean, my personality is one that if the lady checking me out at Wal Mart is having a rough day I don’t want to get out of her line until I’ve made her smile.

But in this past year, simply trying to learn how to breathe, I have somehow forgotten that there are beautiful people out there waiting to be experienced and enjoyed by me. My prayer as I finished reflecting was this. Father, let me in this year be aware of the people you allow to cross my path. May I learn from them what You would have me discover, and may I give to them what You would have me share.

I can only imagine all that we miss of the beautiful ways that we can offer ourselves up to others in the ordinary everyday because we are glued to Facebook, checking emails or simply trying to avoid eye contact because we are too busy to be bothered. Jan Meyer writes it challenging yet truthfully, “We have surrendered to the god of our self-importance.” Oh, Father, may I never find myself too important that I miss the beauty in the hearts you have created…

Who have you encountered recently that has impacted you? Better yet, who has encountered you?

So I started taking a spin class. If you’re clueless as to what that is, let me first tell what it should be. It should be what our government now uses for torture. If they aren’t they are missing a wonderful opportunity here. What it actually is instead is something people, mostly women choose to torture themselves with. It is where you go into a little room, climb on to a bicycle seat that no behind other than some little toddlers should be sitting on, and then your expected to keep your legs moving in perpetual forward motion for the next hour, all while going absolutely nowhere. I mean for a solid hour you listen to music, are told what to do, you go up hill, down hill, stand up, sit down, ride…ride…ride…and you go absolutely nowhere.  What?! Who thought of this?! And what idiot does it?! Apparently more than you would think. And I have just joined the ranks. So, here is what my last three weeks of “spin” class have taught me.

1- Take life in intervals-

For most of the class I am telling myself over and over “You can do anything for three and a half minutes”. Because that is how long a song is. So, instead of staring at the clock-which I did the first week…dumb…dumb and dumber… I know spend my time counting the songs. And when I’m only ten minutes into the class and begin thinking “There is no way I can push my legs around in a circle one more time” I go to a different mindset and begin to say, “You can do this for one more song.” Life is a lot like that. Some days all you need to think about is the moment you are in. And all you need to do is focus on getting through that moment. Don’t worry about the moment coming up. You’re not there yet. Here is where you are. Get through this one and then take the next one when it comes.

2- It’s only an hour of your life.

That is what gets me there. Honestly, if I didn’t remind myself of that I wouldn’t go at all, because when you’re in there it feels like the whole “a day is like a thousand years” thing. Philly and I were talking the other day about it almost being a year since we’ve gotten married. And I said, “You know I can’t believe this year has gone by so fast and that there were days in this year that felt like they would never end.” But nothing lasts forever. In the light of eternity even our difficulties and struggles are going to look so temporary. So, next time you’re in a difficult season tell yourself, “In the grand scheme of things this is only an hour of my life.”

3- A good instructor helps.

There are two instructors I just love. I mean, one makes me laugh, and the other just plays the best music. The people we travel this life with and those who help guide and shape our hearts- pastors, Bible study leaders, spouses, friends, counselors, they can make all the different. Choose wisely.

4- A song can make all the difference.

Have you ever thought about how much music plays in our memories and lives. It’s like Trisha Yearwood’s “The song remembers when”. They do. And they are powerful. When my one instructor plays Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb” as the last song of our workout, it just motivates me to push as hard as I can. While there was a song that played the other day that I thought was I was going to have to run down the hall screaming before I could get through it. So, pick good music. Sing often. You won’t regret it.

Finally- Just because it doesn’t look like you’re moving doesn’t mean you’re not making progress.

There are some seasons in life, when on the scale of “accomplishing things” it doesn’t look like you’re needle has left zero. But yet it could be a season where your capacity is being enlarged. Your heart is being strengthened and your muscles are getting a workout. On the scale of the world’s measure of “doing things” it might not look like I’m “doing” much. But what I do know is that God has stretched me in this last year more than I think he has ever stretched me before. Or maybe like the pain of birthing a baby, it’s just more than I remember. So, don’t curse the seemingly lack of movement. Because, trust me. I’ve seen more change in my body in that one hour of peddling that non-moving bike than I’ve ever had doing anything else.

So, if you hear someone grunting and groaning like a ninety year old it’s probably me….but I’m here to tell you, it might be because of all that grunting and groaning that I actually see 90!